Hi, I’m Kristin.
To the outside world, I am simply a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a college graduate and a worker bee in the corporate world; an overall productive, contributing member of society. If you dig a little deeper than what the surface presents, you’ll find that I am an empathetic old soul, a deep thinker with the mouth of a sailor, a daydreamer, a passionate creative who has an offbeat sense of humor and collects kitsch, a lady whose penchant for loud clothing and a macabre aesthetic knows no boundaries, and a firm believer that music can heal almost any ailment.
I’m also an alcoholic in recovery, who’s learning to cope with their depression.
September 6, 2016 was the day I took my forever last drink — and figuratively speaking, it was the day I simultaneously died and was reborn. To eloquently put it: I will always remember this as the day I received my spiritual wake-the-fuck-up call.
Since then, I’ve hit the ground running and haven’t even considered looking back. There’s a saying that states “recovery isn’t a destination, it’s a journey” and while this message is seemingly trite and clear-cut… for an addict to be able to actually live this message, is anything but trite or clear-cut.
For people like myself, it’s advised that before you even think about entertaining the idea of recovery, there are a few things you might want to come to terms with first…
- Everyone gets sober in their own way. How you get sober and stay sober is completely up to you.
- You must have the desire to quite drinking. You must want to be sober.
- Recovery and sobriety are not the same thing. At all.
- Consider sobriety as being your gateway to recovery.
- If you aren’t willing to surrender to the idea that it is possible for life to be worth experiencing without being under the influence, or if you’ve already predetermined that sobriety is bound to be this miserable, boring existence… you’re already setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. Basically, you’ll end up being nothing more than a dry drunk.
Recovery is excruciating and raw. Recovery requires you to be transparent, vulnerable and honest. Recovery requires you to completely rip yourself apart so that you can carefully examine your character defects. Recovery is an intricate process that requires you to unlearn your negative habits and start learning how to create and replace the old habits with fresh, healthy ones. Recovery will ask you to recall, relive, and recite memories you feel are shameful, grotesque and are best left unsaid. Recovery will ask you to explore and discuss the skeletons in your closet and reflect upon all the messy mistakes you made in the past. It is from those past desolate times, the ones you wanted so badly to forget, that you’ll ultimately be able to learn and grow from.
“My soul is a hidden orchestra; I know not what instruments, what fiddlestrings and harps, drums and tamboura I sound and clash inside myself. All I hear is the symphony.”
― Fernando Pessoa
“She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.”
― Rainbow Rowell